Testimony 12/22/12

i don't usually do this but i have to give this testimony: so yesterday morning, my day started as usual with going outside in the cold, warming my car up a little, then driving to work. when i got in the parking lot, kind of earlier than usual, i parked in a premium close spot and i decided to go into the building early. i dug all in my purse and couldn't find my work id/security key at all, which is highly irregular for me because every day i put it in my purse as soon as i get home. every day. always. so it became apparent to me, i had left it at home. so i say, "no biggie, i'll just move my car to the front of the building to get a temporary id." i go to start my car and it won't start! mind you, this is all of about 2 minutes after i parked and i haven't had any car troubles with this car ever. so i'm freaked out. the lights come on but it doesn't start, so i figure it can't be the battery, it has to be something bigger and more expensive to fix. here's where it gets good.

so, yesterday at work i was scheduled for a kind of more-laid back day than usual, so i had time to call AAA to have their roadside assistance come to my car to assess the problem. i called them at 3:50 and i got off work at 4:20. at 4:08, AAA called me to say that they were 15 minutes away from me. at exactly 4:20, AAA calls me again from my parking lot saying that he is right next to my car and to come on down. i get down there and i'm nervous about what is going to be said. when it was all said and done, the problem was that my 4 year-old, original manufacture battery basically did not have enough juice in it to start the car. of all the problems that it could have been, the starter, the alternator, something else, it was the cheapest thing to get fixed. and yes, i replaced it yesterday.

God spoke to me in ways that I could understand. He purposely made me leave my id badge at home so that when i got to work, i'd have to try to start my car at the beginning of my "abnormally" easier workday, rather than find out it wasn't going to start after i got off work and then have to wait that much longer to have AAA come to fix it. He knows how much i care about attendance and punctuality, so he made sure that my car started yesterday morning and got me to work with no problem. He made the car not start at my job, which is conveniently close to 2 highways, to make it easier for AAA to find my location. He blessed me by getting me to work early enough to get a prime parking spot so that AAA would have no problem finding my car without me having to go downstairs to show them where it was. i was told when i got my last oil change in November, that i needed to start looking at getting a new car battery and that it wasn't going to die in the next week or so but that it was something to put on my to-do list. God knows me. He knows that i procrastinate and put off doing most things related to my car, so he intentionally made yesterday bitterly cold so that it would affect my battery as a way to show me, "uh Caprice, you need to get it together and get a new battery for that car, because the winter is coming and it's going to go dead again." God is so awesome to me! i could have had a bad attitude about my day starting off "badly", leaving my work badge at home, car not starting, but no, i chose to be positive. i spoke and smiled at people i passed by. when people asked me how i was, i said "i'm good," and meant it. i was in a good mood and tried not to worry about the situation. God is so good and i'm thankful and blessed to have Him and blessed to be His!

Book Review: "Happiness at Work" by Dr. Srikumar S. Rao

I bought this book during the Borders going out of business sale. I had no idea about this book at the time when I bought it. I just thought it may help me be more satisfied with the job that I was working at the time. I didn't start reading the book until a few weeks ago. I have to say that this was one of the best purchases I've ever made! This book isn't just for people looking for happiness in their careers and work environments. The exercises and insights given in this book will translate and help anyone achieve personal happiness in their life in general. The book is a quick and simple read using lots of good real-life examples, however the actual exercises that the reader is to put into practice throughout the book can sometimes be very difficult and challenging to undertake. This book gives a different perspective to changing our outlooks on life. Just a few of Dr. Rao's themes examine the ideas of not just looking at a situation as being good or bad, not being "me-centered" in our lives, finding satisfaction in helping others, not using a typical "if-then" philosophy on being happy if something were to happen, and not holding ourselves too rigid to achieving our goals by finding value in the process rather than concentrating on the outcome of the goal we achieve. It truly is a great book and a good alternative to other self-help methods including the popular "name it and claim it" strategy. I highly recommend this book!

To forgive or not to forgive? That is the question...

Throughout my lifetime, I have had various circumstances in which various individuals have aggravated, annoyed, and occasionally have even done things that have tarnished my relationship with them.  I've always been pretty good about forgiving these individuals, giving them several chances to get it right.  However, that being said I never, EVER forget. I would not say that I hold grudges really. I just don't forget what has happened in the past and understand that history often repeats itself. Similarly, I also understand that people typically don't change, and that you can't change someone. I remember at a very young age, I remember watching a movie or a talk show like Ricki Lake, Sally Jesse Raphael or something to that affect, and hearing someone on the show/movie being told that you can't change someone. From that early age, it has always stuck with me that you can't change people.  Throughout my own trials and triumphs, I have learned that people typically don't change much.  People can try to change and make effort to change, but typically we as people don't change much.  Ideally people mature and grow, but we all have the same basic mindset, habits, faults, and characteristics.  As my father has told me, all we really can do is accept people for who they are and expect people to be "themselves".  All of this leads me to this: knowing that people don't really change much and that history repeats itself with certain people, at what point do you forgive someone for their transgressions, ways, shortcomings, and at what point do you walk away and count your losses?

Now, of course there are circumstances when you need to walk away from someone. Case in point if someone is being mentally, verbally, and physically abused, then yes, they need to move on.  But what if it's not those things?  What if you've reluctantly given someone chance after chance to do better, and every time has been like a broken record, skipping back to the same problem/issue time and time again? And this person keeps coming back, sincerely apologizing, saying that things will be different, while you know it will inevitably result in the same situation as before.  Do you forgive this person, or do you finally say enough is enough?  The adage comes to mind, "Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me." And in some cases, "fool me three times, I'm a fool!"  I am not a fool, but per that theory, sadly I could be classified as a fool I guess (how dreadful!).

I am working on being a better Christian. One of the ways I’m trying to do this is I’m trying to practice forgiveness. God forgives us innumerable amounts of times.  We get innumerable chances to get it right and we still mess up, and yet He still forgives and accepts us in spite of.   It’s not fair for me to receive so much forgiveness and so many “second” chances from God, and yet I’m unwilling to forgive others.  I’m working on this, but I don’t know when enough is enough, and at what point do you move on and count your losses? Color me confused!  

I'm sure it comes down to the individual, the circumstance, the issue, and how many times this has happened.  Also, being shown this person's track record kind of gives you a leg up on knowing what to expect in the future, this way you can be prepared emotionally if/when the issue occurs again.  Forgiveness is a powerful and sometimes a hard thing to do, but holding grudges is not the key to happiness and emotional freedom.  In the end, it's good to forgive others for our own peace of mind.  And everyone deserves a second chance... right? 

2012 Olympic Games in London: Reflections

So here we are, day 12 of the 2012 Olympic Games in London. I don't know what it is about these Olympic games that has me really excited, interested, proud, and slightly remorseful, but I am all of these things.

Some of the highlights that I have on these Olympic games so far include without question, the AMAZING Miss Gabby Douglas. She is the first African-American woman to win an Individual All-Around Gymnastics gold medal and she has done US proud. At only 16 years of age, she has exhibited such maturity, poise, sportsmanship, humility, and poise during these events. She has truly been an inspiration and a joy to watch! And anyone commenting on her hair needs to get a grip on the fact that the "crab mentality" has got to stop if we, as Black Americans, will ever succeed as a people. Shameful how we as black women criticize other black women on something so trivial and superficial. It disgusts me.

Another highlight for me was reading how each of the US Men's Basketball players individually hugged, First Lady Michelle Obama after their first game of the Olympics. I started to tear up a little while reading about it at work. It made me proud of them, even though at times I have disliked much of the arrogance and cockiness that a few of those men have exhibited in the past. In a time when so many Americans disrespect President Obama, his lovely wife, and his position, it made me happy to see Michelle Obama get the acknowledgement and respect that she so much deserves.

I'd be remiss if I failed to mention Serena Williams finally winning the gold medal in singles tennis these Olympic games. Her gold medal final match against Anna Kournikova was amazing! I had never watched a full tennis match from start to finish before that match because I always thought that tennis was boring, but there was nothing boring about that match! Serena was awesome! I always knew she was the best, but now I KNOW that she's the best!

Also, much respect goes out to Michael Phelps for ending his swimming career winning 22 medals, 18 of which are gold, breaking the record for athlete with the most medals of all time. That is amazing! What an achievement! He is truly impressive and worthy of recognition. 

Another memorable moment of these Olympic Games was when South African double amputee, Oscar Pistorius was allowed to compete against able-bodied athletes in the Mens 400 meter. I'm so happy that he was allowed to do this, despite all of the controversy surrounding his being allowed to compete with critics claiming that he had an unfair advantage. I kind of understand their point of view, but how can someone without legs have an unfair advantage? Moreover, I'm truly proud of Gold medalist from Granada, Kirani James who not only won the first Olympic medal ever for the country of Granada, but also exhibited much sportsmanship and respect by trading name tags with Pistorius after the event was over. I LOVED THAT! 

That's what the Olympic games are all about. Representing your country and achieving the highest honor bestowed upon an athlete, while showing appreciation and sportsmanship for fellow athletes from all over the world. That's what has made these Olympic games so great for me to watch. I love the comradery that is displayed among the champions. The hugs, handshakes, and exchanges that are shared between the athletes.  The games have also heightened my patriotism tenfold! The United States of America has a lot of issues. Financial, racial, issues with poverty, crime, greed, and hatred. But for the 17 days during the Olympics, we are all united, rooting for our own, proud of their achievements, and proud of ourselves. It truly must be an amazing feeling to represent your country and win gold.

So as for the remorse... When I was younger, I used to watch the Olympics and fantasize about one day being an Olympic Athlete. When I watched the gymnastics, I imagined myself as a gymnast. When I watched the track and field events, I pictured myself as a long jumper or doing hurdles. When I watched the synchronized swimming, I wanted to be one of them and tried to understand how I'd be able to hold my breath long enough under water in order to maneuver the dancing above the edge of the water.  The first Olympics that I vividly remember watching was the 1992 Olympics in Barcelona. I was 9 years old and watched the Olympics while visiting my Great Uncle Mack in Flint, Michigan. I remember watching and dreaming at the same time.

Now, here I am at age 29, a full 20 years later. Good grief! That's crazy. It doesn't feel that long ago, and yet at the same time it does. I've completed elementary school, high school, college, and grad school since then. I have worked multiple jobs and been in love several times since then. From a girl to a woman: 20 years. Now while watching these Olympic games in London, I have found myself no longer dreaming, no longer fantasizing and visualizing myself on the podium being presented a gold medal, hearing the National Anthem played in the background, while the American flag blows in the wind. No, now I'm watching these games seeing all of these young, talented, athletic people living my dreams for me, and more importantly living out their dreams before the entire world. Remorseful that I stopped doing gymnastics in elementary school. Saddened, I didn't try out for track in high school. But such is life. We all have our destinies, and I'm still figuring out what mine is and waiting for it to unfold. These wonderful athletes are fulfilling their destinies. 

It makes me wonder what makes an Olympic athlete? Apparently, a lot of time, effort, perseverance, hard work, dedication, MONEY, and support from family and friends. An Olympian doesn't become one overnight. That becomes apparent when you see the childhood pictures of a Michael Phelps or Gabby Douglas, training in their prospective sport. 

So here we are, at the end of the 12th day of the Games of the XXX Olympiad, and these are all of my thoughts and emotions surrounding this year's games. And they're not over yet.

In the Beginning...

I believe that the hardest part of any relationship, story, or endeavor is the beginning. When you have a friendship with someone, or you are in a romantic relationship with your significant other, it's easy to communicate with them, understand them, enjoy their company, and etc. The hardest part of these relationships comes at the beginning. This involves the awkward stages of trying to get to know a total stranger with the hopes of creating a positive bond with them. We always start out having the best intentions, not trying to come off too strong, but still wanting to leave a lasting impression that will lead them to wanting to have that same bond with you as well. Everyone wants to be liked, valued, and appreciated, whether they say they do or not. No one likes rejection. No one.

That being said, it has been somewhat hard for me to sit down, and actually initiate this blog. I've been wanting to do a blog for a long, long time. I love writing and am full of opinions. Having the opportunity to do both is great. I must admit, I am a true-to-form procrastinator. (It's one of my best qualities) So as you can imagine, I have been procrastinating on starting this blog. So many bloggers have specific topics that they discuss with their readers on topics like fashion, celebrities, politics, and etc. I have so many things to say that it's hard for me to categorize and lump all of my thoughts into one tiny box. So I finally said, screw it, I'm just going to have a blog to put all of those thoughts, opinions, feelings, fears, joys, triumphs, and failures all under the same umbrella. My umbrella is aptly titled, Uniquely Special.

The title of this blog, Uniquely Special, comes from a difficult conversation that I recently had with my father several weeks ago. The conversation involved my dad passing his judgement on me, as he usually does, in relation to a situation I had with a co-worker at my job. Office instant communicator can be a good thing and it can also be a bad thing. The fun little emoticons can help to convey how someone is feeling when they write a certain phrase or comment, but without actually hearing the person's tone of voice or seeing their facial expressions, those comments can easily become misconstrued. Such an occurrence happened between myself and a co-worker. Unintentionally, I had caused my somewhat overly-sensitive colleague to feel as though I was belittling her in a chat. She felt compelled to go off on me. I was blown away and shocked by this. It has never been my intention to create such animosity among someone that I genuinely liked. I felt horrible that I made her feel that way. We both apologized to each other and moved on. Now, back to my dad... My father is very overbearing and likes to put his nose in everyone's business, especially the kind of business that doesn't involve him. While I told my mother about this incident over the phone, my dad ear-hustled in the background and took the pieces of the conversation to use as an opportunity to lecture and criticize me during our next meeting (Sunday after church). My dad felt the need to tell me about myself. "I've always felt like you believed that you were better than other people," he admonished to me. I was so offended and perplexed by this statement. As much as I wanted and tried to tell him that he was wrong, I couldn't. I kept saying "nooooo that's not exactly it...." but I still didn't know exactly how I really did feel about this accusation.

Two days after this conversation with my father, I woke up several hours before my alarm was set to wake me up for work. I immediately thought back to the conversation with my father and couldn't get back to sleep. Did I in fact believe that I was better than others? Of course not. I'm no better than anyone else. I believe that we are all equals and all trying to make our way in this crazy world as best as we can. So what did I feel about this? I knew that I wasn't better than anyone else, so why then was it so difficult for me to verbalize what I did feel about this statement. Then it hit me. I called my father and with tears in my eyes, I told him.

"Dad, our conversation the other day has not sat well with me. I don't believe that I am better than anyone else and have never felt like I was better than anyone else. When you told me this, I didn't know how to verbalize what I felt in regards to why you feel that I believed that I'm better than other people. Now, I know what I feel. I don't believe that I am better than anyone else on this earth, Dad, but I do feel like I am uniquely special!" My Dad immediately, thanked me for calling him to discuss this and said that he agreed with me and that this statement made sense to him. 

Yes, indeed I do feel and have always felt that I was uniquely special. Is it because of the fact that I have a unique, uncommon name that draws attention and reaction from everyone who I'm introduced to? Or is it the fact that my looks and my accent draw so much speculation as to where I am from? I'm a tall African-American woman with light brown skin, squinty eyes, and long black hair, born and raised in St. Louis, Missouri, and speak properly (aka by some people's standards, "white"). I have been here my entire life and I'm always asked "where are you from, cause you shol' ain't from St. Louis?" Yes sir, I am, born and raised. I've never felt like I belonged here, or anywhere else actually. Maybe that's the pisces in me, the ethereal, naive, outer-worldly side to me. Who knows? No matter what it is, everything about me draws some sort of attention and I have always felt like I was destined for greatness. 

"Uniquely special" in no way means being better than others. It means exactly what it says. To be uniquely special is to be different than most. And I am most definitely different than most! So this is my introduction. This is my blog. I hope that this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. So now that the hardest part of our relationship is over, and introductions are out of the way,  let's get acquainted.