30 Before 30

"In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." - Abraham Lincoln

When I was about to turn 28, a coworker told me that she had done a 30 before 30 list before turning 30. I thought it was such a great idea, especially considering that I wasn't really looking forward to turning the big 3-0. I made a list and planned to begin doing things from the list after turning 28. However, things at my job began to get turbulent and I was terminated two months to the day after I turned 28 years old. All of my plans for my 30 before 30 list were put on hold. I started a new job two months later that proved to be challenging and stressful. Also adding to my stress was that all of my income from my new employer needed to go toward building back my savings, which were depleted during my unemployment. Over time, the list was lost and forgotten.Until September 2012, six months before I was going to turn 30.

A friend suggested that we go to a shooting range. I remembered that that was one of the items on my 30 before 30 list. And so it began, again, my 30 before 30 list. I have accomplished everything from the list except one item, which I still consider a secret. (I left it blank below) It would have been finished by now but there are a few things I need to do first in order to make it happen. So here's a brief run-down.

Top of the Riverfront Restaurant: I always wanted to go to this restaurant because it rotates 360 degrees at the riverfront downtown. It is expensive but through Downtown Restaurant Week, I had a 3 course meal for $25! This was a steal! The steak and dessert were divine! My friend Devin joined me and it was great.

Ice Skating: Me, Abrea, Devin, and Nate went ice skating. It was scary but fun. I hadn't been since I was a child. I couldn't ice skate then and I can't ice skate now. There was this very small kid who was a wonderful ice skater who kept looking at me, as if to say "what is your problem? this is easy." I did not like that kid.

Paint balling: Through a bargain living social deal, Devin and I went to a zombie paintball haunted hayride.It was entertaining, however there were hardly any moving targets. I still got the experience. One day I'll actually go paint balling with friends and shoot and get shot as well.

Shooting Range: This was intense! I was scared and jumpy the entire time. Holding a gun intimidated me and didn't feel right. Over time I may feel more comfortable but it nerve-wrecking.

Helicopter Ride: My sister and I went on a 3 minute ride for $35 each. It was short and sweet. I enjoyed it.

Blues Hockey Game: My mom and I went to a Blues game., It was the first hockey game either of us had ever been to. It was a lot of fun and lively! A lot of good white-people-watching as well!

Attend a Boxing Match: My sister and I went to the charity Guns N Hoses boxing match between the fire department and the police department. This would have been way more fun at a title fight in Vegas but this was the only boxing match happening in St. Louis before my birthday, so it had to suffice.

Hot Air Balloon: Who knew that it was so much trouble to ride in a hot air balloon. I got a good groupon deal for $165 (half-off) the price of a hot air balloon ride. After 5 attempts and cancellations due to weather, I finally got to take a ride. It was great however I got dizzy toward the end of the ride and had to sit down in the basket. Still fun though and the champagne toast at the end was great! I went alone.

Drive-In Movie: I had never been to a drive-in movie before and conveniently I went to my first two times to the drive-in two weeks in a row with two different guys on dates. I can't make this stuff up. Each of them wanted to help me get things done on my list. I enjoyed going to the drive-in, however it is easy to be distracted. There's constantly people driving or walking around you. Not to mention the fact that with both guys, I was drinking wine and talking. It was hard to pay attention to the movie. And, no, there was no "necking" or physical activity going on either time. I'm a lady for crying out loud!

Start a Blog: Accomplished obviously.

Go to the Symphony: Although I am a former violinist and had concerts of my own every year in school, I had never been to the actual symphony before. My mother, sister, and I went and saw the "Rite of Spring" in the fall of 2011. It was great.

Get violin tuned: My violin had been out of tune for years! I finally went to the music store and got it tuned after years and years of procrastination.

Take a Vacation: Cruise to the Bahamas for my 30th birthday. This was awesome! My friend Jackie B and I kicked it! I kissed and played with a dolphin, and kayaked. 

Mechanical Bull Ride: I had found out about a country western club that had a mechanical bull in St. Charles. Devin and I went and were surprised by the diversity of the crowd and music there. However, we were disappointed by the club never turning on the mechanical bull. We left. However, in October 2013 at Oktoberfest in Soulard, we stumbled on a mechanical bull in service. I rode it, laughed, was laughed at, and crossed it off the list. Finally.

Charity Walk: This was done twice by the time I turned 30. Susan G. Komen 2012 and Sista Strut 2012.

Donate to President Obama's Campaign: I donated $5. Hey, every bit helps!

Carriage Ride: Mom and I did this together. A 15 minute ride but still fun on a chilly late winter day.

Lose at least 20 Pounds: This happened, but then I gained it all back. Smh So sad...

Read the Bible: I started. And that's about it. I haven't left Genesis yet, but I did start.

Sing at Karaoke: Devin, Nate, Abrea, and I went to Carson's. I did Anita Baker's "Caught up in the rapture." Eh, it was OK. I followed up with a duet with Abrea of our favorite song, "We don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time." I don't know how we even found it in the binder.

Pole Dancing Lesson: Abrea, Yolanda, and I went on a Sunday afternoon and had a blast. However, I couldn't do the last trick which was embarassing. My feet didn't want to leave the floor. Better luck next time.

Read a poem I wrote in Public: In honor of my Grandmother, we were all asked to speak on her behalf as we celebrated her life and birthday. I went all out with a lengthy 4-page prose. Hopefully I didn't bore my family to death.

Learn Something New: I learned how to snorkel and kayak in the Bahamas on my trip.

Try a different type of food: I ate fried alligator at Mayfest 2012. Not bad.

Go to a unique museum: I went to the Griot in St. Louis. It wasn't bad. I learned about a variety of African American figures in St. Louis history that I wasn't aware of which was nice.

Learn how to ski: This was the thing I most feared. I went and was embarrassed. I fell a lot and couldn't wait for it to be over but i did it. I was shocked that I wasn't the only chip in the cookie either. I actually made "us" look bad... I was the only black person there that didn't know how to ski. Still glad I did it though.

Volunteer Somewhere: I volunteered at the Habitat for Humanity Re-store. It wasn't too bad. They didn't know what to do with me because I wasn't a guy and couldn't lift a lot of heavy items. But they gave me paperwork and odd jobs. I met a guy who worked there who I dated briefly so I guess that was God's reward to me for volunteering. ugh.

Donate Blood: I hadn't donated blood since college and I went and it felt good to do my civic duty. I hope by B+ blood helped someone.

Pay it forward: For me, this took a lot of guts. At a McDonald's drive-thru one morning, I offered to buy the person's bill who was behind me. Unfortunately for me, the person behind me basically ordered her breakfast and lunch. I spent $12 on the lady's mirror behind me but after looking in my rear view menu, I could tell she was shocked and appreciated it. Hopefully she did the same for someone else.

I'm pleased with what I've accomplished on my list. I've had some great experiences and it's made me appreciate the blessings that God has given me. I'm happy for the friends and family that I have that experienced this journey with me. And I look forward to many more adventures in the future.

~*30 Before 30/31*~

1.   Top of the Riverfront Restaurant (August 2012)

2.   Ice Skating (November 2012)

3.   Paintballing (October 2012)

4.   Shooting Range (September 2012)

5.   

6.   Helicopter Ride (March 23, 2013)

7.   Blues Hockey Game (February 5, 2013)

8.   Attend Boxing Match (November 2012)

9.   Hot Air Balloon Ride (September 14, 2013)

10. Drive-In Movie Theater (May 11 2013: Iron Man 3 Skyview Drive-In/May 18, 2013: Star Trek: Into Darkness)

11. Start a Blog (February 2012)

12. Go to the Symphony (October 2011)

13. Get violin tuned (January 12, 2013)

14. Take a Trip/Vacation: Cruise to the Bahamas, Nassau and Freeport (March 7-11, 2013)

15. Mechanical Bull-riding/Go to a Country Western Club: Electric Cowboy (May 25, 2013) Mechanical Bull Ride (October 13, 2013)

16. Do a Charity Walk (June 2012)

17. Donate to Pres. Obama’s campaign (September 2012)

18. Carriage Ride (January 19, 2013)

19. Lose at Least 20 pounds

20. Read the Bible

21. Sing at Karaoke (February 15, 2013)

22. Take Pole Dancing/Strip Aerobics Class: Michelle Mynx Acadamy of Pole Dancing (February 17, 2013)

23. Read a poem in public (December 29, 2012)

24. Learn something new: Kayaking and Snorkeling in Freeport, the Bahamas (March 10, 2013)

25. Try a different type of food (May 2012)

26. Go to a unique museum I’ve never been to before: Griot Museum (January 26, 2013)

27. Learn how to ski (February 16, 2013)

28. Volunteer somewhere: Habitat for Humanity ReStore (January 26, 2013)

29. Donate blood (January 24, 2013)

30. Pay it forward: McDonalds (February 28, 2013)

Bold Prints, Classic Designs, Low Prices: Duro Olowu for JCP

After I got off work last night, I decided to treat myself for making it through another long week of work by enjoying a night of my most favorite hobby, SHOPPING. I went to JC Penney, a store that has unfortunately been struggling the last several years to make a comeback despite fresh updated styles, clean store layouts, and revamped advertisements. I spent a good hour buying a birthday gift for my father and picking out a few items for myself as well. As I struggled to find a checkout counter (JCP you're going to have to do better about that), I was completely ENAMORED by the bright, bold prints emanating from a section that I had never seen before. These prints belonged to an exclusive collection provided through a collaboration between JCP and Nigerian designer, Duro Olowu. The section was a small floor space, positioned right in the middle of the handbag department. I was immediately pulled into the section by what seemed like the same gravitational force which keeps us from floating into outer space! The bold, colorful prints are all distributed by a variety of classic American-styled separates that can all be mixed and matched. From knee-length a-line skirts, mixed print blouses, pants, dresses, and jackets, the collection is impeccable!  Sadly, I am upset at the fact that I had no idea that this collection was even at JCP, and here it was slapping me in the face with clearance stickers all over it. The conservative style that is often had by people of the Midwest, I'm sure has a lot to do with the limited exposure of the collection in this market. However, there are many fashionistas like myself in the region who crave stylish, couture, bold looks. I give kudos for JCP buyers for taking a chance on the Midwest by offering such looks in its stores. There are so many retail stores who offer exclusive designer collections to set themselves apart from competitors and give exposure to the designers, who the general public may never otherwise know about. Which brings me to Duro Olowu, the designer of this collection. 

Duro Olowu is a London-based designer who is known for mixing bold African-like prints with conservative Western prints and blending them together into classic Western styles. His ready-to-wear separates have been seen on numerous celebrities as well as our always fashionable First Lady, Michelle Obama. Mr. Olowu did not spare his talents and styling techniques when designing his collection for JCP. Floral prints, batik prints, plaids, and brocades were splashed and intermingled throughout the entire collection. I have to say that I wanted EVERY piece in the collection! If they had had my size in more items I would have bought a brand new wardrobe last night. I wish that they had my size in more of the pieces but maybe it's for the best that they didn't. I would have hated to go broke buying a whole new wardrobe on payday. smh. The collection also exhibits the prints in mix-and-match pieces for the home as well. I really liked that aspect. I love to present my personal style through my clothing, but I also love to express myself through my decor in my home as well. The collection also features shoes and accessories including jewelry and handbags. I was trying to be good so I only bought a blouse, a skirt, and a bangle. Hopefully they don't sell out of a couple of the Native American-inspired beaded handbags before I go back to buy one. 

Again I must give props to JCP for exposing the sometimes sheltered and conservative "wack-arnolds" of the Midwest to up-and-coming designers like Duro Olowu. Hopefully this won't be the last "collabo" that we see between JCP and Mr. Olowu. And even if the delayed reaction of the St. Louis region to this collection means that we'll never see a collection like this again at JC Penney, I'm glad that it at least exposed me to the designs of Duro Olowu. Mr. Olowu, you have me as a fan for life. Especially when your designer collections look so amazing! See below if you don't believe me.

Giving Someone a Chance Who is Off the "List"

So I know that all of us ladies have "the list". You know, the list that you've always held to while dating. The list that shows what you want in a mate and what you don't want in a mate. Well, my list has a lot of your typical things I'd say: no smoking, college graduate, smart, kind, funny, handsome, tall, not over 40 years-old, and a few more items. On the "never date" section of my list is also pretty common: don't date guys with kids, divorce`s, men who have been to jail, and men that have gold teeth. These are my normal deal-breakers. I admit, it's hard to find someone perfect, and actually impossible because no one, even myself, is perfect. Yet we still cling to that list with a tight grip, doing our  best to find someone who meets the standard of the list. Well, I'm here to tell you, I have dated my "ideal" mate based on my list. I've actually dated my "Mr. Perfect-on-Paper" in the form of three different men, and I'm here to tell you not one of them was for me! There was something wrong with all of them. As "perfect" as they seemed, and as many checks as they had on my list, none of them was for me. Unfortunately, all of these men possessed certain qualities that were not on the list, which were very important factors that can't be ignored. The traits these men had that I did not want included personality flaws, social ineptness, selfish behavior, flakiness, and just plain jerks. As many great characteristics as these guys had that attracted me to them, being made to feel like garbage was definitely not on the list and was definitely not perfect. None of these relationships worked out, and at the beginning of all them, I remember being so excited because I thought I had finally found "the one." But that joyous feeling quickly disappeared.

So here, I am finally knowing that no one is perfect because I've met my "perfect-on-paper" and none of them were perfect. So where does that leave me now? I had a conversation with two of my cousins a few years ago, which I still remember vividly. The subject of my love life came up in the conversation, as it often does with my family, and at the time I had just had another failed attempt at love. I told them that God always gives me what I ask for and yet it never works out. I went into detail recapping the trials of my adventures in romance, recounting how when one guy I'd date didn't work out because he was missing one thing, I'd think that the next guy would have to have all of the great things about the last man plus the the missing thing. As hard as it is to believe, almost immediately after I'd put this request into the atmosphere, God would send me the man I asked for, but with a new "flaw" that I wasn't expecting. The cycle repeated itself often, over the course of a 2-year period. My cousins listened to my story and blew my mind with what they said. One of them told me, "obviously, God is showing you that who you think you want may not be who is actually good for you or who you need to be with." That simple sentence has haunted me ever since. When I heard my cousin say this, it frustrated me. I thought, how could this be possible, that doesn't make any sense. But she definitely had a point.

Well this brings me to today. I recently met a man while doing some volunteer work for the "30 before 30" list that I'm doing. The man seemed nice and was reasonably attractive. He worked for the organization that I was volunteering with and I was around him for most of the morning that I was there that Saturday morning. Although he didn't look it, he was over forty and a bigger guy than I normally talk to. When I was about to leave from my volunteer shift, he asked me for my phone number to which I obliged. We communicated for a couple days and then we went out on a date a few days after meeting, movie and dinner afterwards. The date was good, until we got to the second part of the date, the dinner. While at dinner, I realized that the man had two gold teeth that I hadn't noticed before. It shocked me! I bluntly told him that had I seen those when we met I would not have given him my number, which is very true. He then started telling me about his past, which wasn't the "prettiest" resume... Let's just say that he met a lot of the qualities that are on my "never date" list. I even lost my appetite while he was talking to me, I felt so disappointed. However, there was still something about him that seemed genuine, and intriguing. There was something that I couldn't put my finger on about him. As hard as it is to not judge someone, I tried my hardest not to judge this man. He even pleaded me not to judge him based on his past until I got to know him. I agreed. We're still talking and we'll see where this goes. It's still very new but so far things are going well. And even if things don't work out with this gentleman, I know that God will have a lesson for me from the experience anyway.

All I keep thinking about is the message that my cousin gave me in that conversation so long ago. I keep wondering if this is what she was talking about, if this man is who God wants me to be with right now. He's far from the typical guy that I would normally date, and yet there are things about him that hopefully will be better than the imperfectly "perfect" men that I dated before. It's still insane to me the fact that I was a few feet away from this man that Saturday morning I was volunteering and never even noticed his golds! God clearly didn't want me to see them because He knew I wouldn't give him a chance if I had. So we'll see where this new chapter goes. I'm setting no expectations and just enjoying the moment as it happens. But let this be a lesson to anyone who's still trying to "white-knuckle" grip their Mr./Ms. Perfect list, don't do it! Someone fantastic for you might be out there who you're not even giving a chance.

Happy Inauguration Day!

What a great Inauguration Day this has been. Also, what a great Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day this has been as well! The Inauguration was excellent. President Obama's speech was excellent. Michelle, Malia, and Sasha looked beautiful. Kelly Clarkson sung amazingly well! Truly a great day overall. I wish I was there to have witnessed the event in person. I dropped the ball.

I don't know what the next 4 years holds for President Obama or the country in general, but I am proud of what he was able to achieve in his first term. Hopefully, over his next term, Congress will be more open to the idea of compromise, because the division in Washington is hurting the rest of us, over nothing more than foolish pride. I love that President Obama requested to be sworn in for his second term with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s bible. That speaks volumes to me of the respect and admiration that President Obama must have for Dr. King and his legacy.

I also have to acknowledge how good it was to see Myrlie Evers-Williams give the invocation at the Inauguration. It was good to see a figure of the Civil Rights Movement involved in such a prominent way. It makes me remember the efforts of her husband, Medgar Evers whose life was taken while fighting for the rights for myself and all of us.

The symbolism of all of these events taking place on Dr. King Day is extremely significant. I don't know what Dr. King would think of our country and where we have come, much less his thoughts on the younger generation of African-Americans in this country. Have we dropped the ball on what our predecessors fought so hard for? Are we hopeless on ever getting further than where we are today? Does the younger generation even care anymore? Is this the dream that Dr. King stated he had in Washington D.C. so many decades ago? Although we have come a long way since the 1960s Civil Rights Movement, we still have a long way to go for racial equality in this country. Racism is still alive and well. There are still people who don't understand or even like the fact that Dr. King birthday is a national holiday. My response to them is that if you don't find the efforts of Dr. King significant, nor like the fact that Black and White people in this country have equal rights and can work and go to school together, then maybe you should go to work today and be miserable there doing all of your work and my load too! Let freedom ring! *Drops the mic and walks off the stage*

A Letter to Grandpa Warren

Dear Grandpa Warren,
I'm sorry that our relationship was what it was, and that I didn't have a better relationship with you while you were still  living. The fact that you didn't know my name although I'd visit you every Christmas still seems strange to me, but it was what it was. I was genuinely saddened to hear of your passing. I surprised myself with how much I cried when I found out the sad news, and then again at your funeral. Even though we were not close at all, I still felt like we had some sort of connection. You were my birthday buddy. We share the same birthday. I remember finding it to be so odd and unique to share the same birthday as someone else so closely related to me, while still being so very distant from me. It was baffling to me. I remember one year on our birthday when I was young, you called my dad while I was sitting at the dining room table eating breakfast. Apparently you called to make a joke or reference to it being your birthday. My dad cursed you out because it was my birthday also, and I think he felt frustrated with the fact that you had no interest or idea of this. It was quite awkward. My dad openly told me when I was older that he slightly resented me because of the birthday that you and I share. He told me that I was like you and, of course he was saying that as a negative thing. I was somewhat cursed from the beginning of my life in the eyes of my father because of this. He loves me and I think at times, he even likes me, but there is still definitely a stigma there because of our birthday. Aside from that, my dad would never necessarily bad-mouth you per say, but it was undeniable that he had "daddy issues." I can't deny that it was always somewhat awkward for me to visit you every year. My dad understood this and asked us this recent Christmas (2012) if we wanted to visit you in the nursing home or not. To his surprise, and slight inconvenience, I said that I wanted to see you. He planned on seeing you by himself while leaving, me, my mom, and my sister at my grandmother's house. He asked me why I wanted to see you and I simply replied that it may be your last Christmas. That was all that had to be said. I wish that I had been wrong...

As I stood there in your room at the nursing home, I looked at you. You didn't seem your usual self. You could barely move and were lying in the bed. Your face was very thin and your arms lacked muscle tone and had a lot of loose skin. Your cough sounded terrible and your speech was very slurred. I didn't like seeing you like that. As I stood there, I realized that rather than think of you as someone estranged and negative, I decided while standing there that I wanted to change my outlook on you and our relationship. I thought to myself that you can't be that bad because we have the same birthday, and I don't think of myself as a bad person, so therefore you can't be that bad either. I also decided that I would choose to think of you as my grandmother must have thought of you a long time ago when you two were in love before things became sour between you both. I said to myself that at one time, she chose you to be her husband and father of her children, so you couldn't have been that bad. That's how I decided to view you. I had no idea that three days later you would take your last breath.

I pray that you found peace with your life in your final days on earth. I also pray that God finds mercy on your soul and that you made it to heaven. After your funeral, my dad finally told me some stories about you that I had never heard before. He told me that you were a "company man" who was a hard worker for the railroad and was very loyal to your company. The story that he told me about you proved that you were a man of integrity and a man of your word. To most people hearing that their grandfather had been in jail at one point in life, is upsetting news. However, once my dad told me this and told me the story behind the cause of your imprisonment, it actually made me like and respect you more. You did what you felt you had to do to protect you and your wife at the time and I can't be mad at that. It made me proud of you to know that like myself, you were a hard worker and a dedicated employee. It also made me proud to know that like myself, you were an honest man who treated your word with value. It made me like you when I learned that you gave warnings, like I do, when someone is antagonizing you before flying off the handle. It made me feel closer to you to hear these stories. It made me feel sad to know that now that I know these things about you, it's too late for me respond to you differently during our annual visits. Being told by my father that you and I were similar and both selfish people was always used as an insult towards me, but now, I kind of feel like I know the good ways that we were similar and I don't feel so insulted anymore. I know that you made mistakes, as all people do, and I can't judge you for that. Through subtle ways, I was told that you treated my grandmother poorly which of course is hard for me to dismiss because Grandma Ruth was one of my most favorite people in life, but now I know that you weren't all bad. And that me and my birthday buddy did share some good qualities too. We're not all that bad, huh Grandpa Warren. Thank you for the college graduation gift, by the way. That created quite a stir in the family at the time... I don't know what you thought of me. We both really didn't know each other well enough to really have opinions of one another. But just so you know, I appreciate you for what you were, which was the father of my father, and I do respect you. Rest in peace Grandpa Warren. Maybe I'll see you again one day, and we'll make our relationship right at that time.

Warren Foster March 10, 1924 - December 28, 2012.

New Year, New Attitude.

Happy New Year! For some crazy reason, I'm feeling very positive and optimistic about 2013! I don't know why, but I feel like good things are coming. Instead of doing resolutions this year, I plan to make new short-term and long-term goals for myself, and keep a positive attitude. One goal on the list is that I definitely need to live a healthier lifestyle, both physically and mentally and I plan to make steps to achieve that. I'm turning the big 3-0 this year and I'll admit that there a lot of things that I always planned to have done by this age that haven't happened yet. It's caused me to be somewhat stagnant rather than strive to progress myself further. There are so many things that happen in our lives that aren't in our control. Why dwell on those things and let them steal your joy, right? That's why I have the goal to maintain a positive attitude, no matter how things turn out in "Twenty Thirteen". I also plan to set clear, achievable, yet challenging goals to further myself along. Truth be told, I've really gotten out of the habit of setting goals for myself, which is sad. We have to keep pushing ourselves further. Success doesn't happen overnight. It takes time, planning, work, perseverance  and a positive outlook. The business of goal-setting is a tricky one. Sometimes when we set goals for ourselves, and they don't work out as we had hoped, it can lead us to beat ourselves up (which I have done a lot of...), but no more! I'm moving on and I feel really good about it. If plan A didn't work as you had hoped, then make a plan B, C, etc. There's nothing wrong with that. And never give up on your dream, no matter how distant it may seem or how big it may be. In the words of the always-colorful Jesse Jackson, "keep hope alive!"

I think that part of what has caused this sudden optimism in me is the fact that I have been doing a 30 before 30 list. It's been refreshing to plan, schedule, and do things that I've always wanted to do but never tried. I started my list rather late in the game so I'm giving myself til the end of 2013 to complete the list, which also helps keep the stress down of not making it by my actual birthday (which is in a couple of months).

Setting small goals is a good way to work your way up to the bigger goals, and also helps build up your confidence towards achieving those bigger goals as well. Remember, don't dwell on how things turned out in the past, or how things are at the present moment. Instead, think about where you're going and where you hope to be in the future. Imagine yourself there at the finish line, rather than focus on where you are now. Also, NO PITY PARTIES! Like my favorite quote from the movie, "Beasts of the Southern Wild", remember "nobody likes a pity-party-having-ass woman!" And it's true! People don't! On that note, I leave you with well wishes, hopes, and dreams for 2013! Strive to be the best person that you can be, for yourself and no one else! It's about you and this is your life. We only get one shot at this, so make it count!