So I know that all of us ladies have "the list". You know, the list that you've always held to while dating. The list that shows what you want in a mate and what you don't want in a mate. Well, my list has a lot of your typical things I'd say: no smoking, college graduate, smart, kind, funny, handsome, tall, not over 40 years-old, and a few more items. On the "never date" section of my list is also pretty common: don't date guys with kids, divorce`s, men who have been to jail, and men that have gold teeth. These are my normal deal-breakers. I admit, it's hard to find someone perfect, and actually impossible because no one, even myself, is perfect. Yet we still cling to that list with a tight grip, doing our best to find someone who meets the standard of the list. Well, I'm here to tell you, I have dated my "ideal" mate based on my list. I've actually dated my "Mr. Perfect-on-Paper" in the form of three different men, and I'm here to tell you not one of them was for me! There was something wrong with all of them. As "perfect" as they seemed, and as many checks as they had on my list, none of them was for me. Unfortunately, all of these men possessed certain qualities that were not on the list, which were very important factors that can't be ignored. The traits these men had that I did not want included personality flaws, social ineptness, selfish behavior, flakiness, and just plain jerks. As many great characteristics as these guys had that attracted me to them, being made to feel like garbage was definitely not on the list and was definitely not perfect. None of these relationships worked out, and at the beginning of all them, I remember being so excited because I thought I had finally found "the one." But that joyous feeling quickly disappeared.
So here, I am finally knowing that no one is perfect because I've met my "perfect-on-paper" and none of them were perfect. So where does that leave me now? I had a conversation with two of my cousins a few years ago, which I still remember vividly. The subject of my love life came up in the conversation, as it often does with my family, and at the time I had just had another failed attempt at love. I told them that God always gives me what I ask for and yet it never works out. I went into detail recapping the trials of my adventures in romance, recounting how when one guy I'd date didn't work out because he was missing one thing, I'd think that the next guy would have to have all of the great things about the last man plus the the missing thing. As hard as it is to believe, almost immediately after I'd put this request into the atmosphere, God would send me the man I asked for, but with a new "flaw" that I wasn't expecting. The cycle repeated itself often, over the course of a 2-year period. My cousins listened to my story and blew my mind with what they said. One of them told me, "obviously, God is showing you that who you think you want may not be who is actually good for you or who you need to be with." That simple sentence has haunted me ever since. When I heard my cousin say this, it frustrated me. I thought, how could this be possible, that doesn't make any sense. But she definitely had a point.
Well this brings me to today. I recently met a man while doing some volunteer work for the "30 before 30" list that I'm doing. The man seemed nice and was reasonably attractive. He worked for the organization that I was volunteering with and I was around him for most of the morning that I was there that Saturday morning. Although he didn't look it, he was over forty and a bigger guy than I normally talk to. When I was about to leave from my volunteer shift, he asked me for my phone number to which I obliged. We communicated for a couple days and then we went out on a date a few days after meeting, movie and dinner afterwards. The date was good, until we got to the second part of the date, the dinner. While at dinner, I realized that the man had two gold teeth that I hadn't noticed before. It shocked me! I bluntly told him that had I seen those when we met I would not have given him my number, which is very true. He then started telling me about his past, which wasn't the "prettiest" resume... Let's just say that he met a lot of the qualities that are on my "never date" list. I even lost my appetite while he was talking to me, I felt so disappointed. However, there was still something about him that seemed genuine, and intriguing. There was something that I couldn't put my finger on about him. As hard as it is to not judge someone, I tried my hardest not to judge this man. He even pleaded me not to judge him based on his past until I got to know him. I agreed. We're still talking and we'll see where this goes. It's still very new but so far things are going well. And even if things don't work out with this gentleman, I know that God will have a lesson for me from the experience anyway.
All I keep thinking about is the message that my cousin gave me in that conversation so long ago. I keep wondering if this is what she was talking about, if this man is who God wants me to be with right now. He's far from the typical guy that I would normally date, and yet there are things about him that hopefully will be better than the imperfectly "perfect" men that I dated before. It's still insane to me the fact that I was a few feet away from this man that Saturday morning I was volunteering and never even noticed his golds! God clearly didn't want me to see them because He knew I wouldn't give him a chance if I had. So we'll see where this new chapter goes. I'm setting no expectations and just enjoying the moment as it happens. But let this be a lesson to anyone who's still trying to "white-knuckle" grip their Mr./Ms. Perfect list, don't do it! Someone fantastic for you might be out there who you're not even giving a chance.
