The Joys of Singlehood

As a single woman in her 30s, I get a variety of feedback, opinions, and advice on my current marital status. While in my late 20s, I found myself receiving unsolicited opinions from older women acting like my life would be over if I didn't get a husband before I turned 30. At my previous job, one customer, who may have been in her 70s, repeatedly said "I'ma pray for you," while shaking her head like all hope was gone for me, when she found out that I was unmarried and approaching age 30. She wasn't the only one who was giving such commentary on the matter. One thing I have noticed which is surprising, is that now at age 32, the older women who were telling me before age 30 to get married, are now telling me "you know, you don't have to get married to have children..." That comment is even more hurtful to me! Yes, it's true that women can choose to have children without a husband and they make it work, which is great! But, I still have that hope and goal of being married before having children. I came from a two-parent household, and I saw how difficult it was for my parents to schedule things around me and my sister's schedules, so I'd like to have a husband to help me raise my children. I want my husband to be my children's father. No baby daddy's over here please!

Facebook and social media also don't help. My timeline and news feed is filled all year-round with announcements and pictures of weddings and engagements. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond happy and excited for all of my friends and loved ones getting married, but when it seems like the whole world is attacking me for not being married, it can be a constant reminder of what I don't have. 

Despite these frequent moments of peer pressure that I face, I have also gotten advice from various married women and women with children who have a different point of view on my situation. These women say things like "enjoy your life while you are unattached." They tell me how lucky I am to be able to do everything I do on my own terms. It's true, I don't have to answer to anyone about anything that I do. I live on my own. I eat what I want to eat. I go out when I want to go out. I spend my money how I want to spend it. Those are things that my married friends are not as easily able to do. A few years ago, I was telling a co-worker about how I was decorating my apartment. She was 40 years old at the time and had been married since right after she graduated from college in her early 20s. She knew how much I wanted to be married but told me "you have no idea how lucky you are that you get to decorate your own place." She went on to tell me how in her whole life, she had never done that because she moved from home to college, then from her college dorm to an apartment with her husband. She truly felt like she had missed something in her life because of not living on her own.

 So rather than sit and mope and ask "why me" related to my singlehood, I have chosen to embrace it and instead find the joys out of being single. And contrary to people's beliefs, there are joys to being single. 

1. You can do what you want, when you want, and how you want.

I truly answer to no one about anything I do. When I get up. When I leave home, What time I return home. How much money I spend, and how I spend it. I don't have to consult with anyone about how much I spent on my last shopping binge, because it's my money. It's a great feeling! And as much as I'd like to one day have someone to share my life with, it's great right now not being beholden or accountable to anyone.

2. There's always great opportunity to meet someone new.

Dating can be a nightmare and a challenge, but it can also be a lot of fun. The process of getting to know someone new who may be a potential mate can be wonderful. Going out on dates with someone you like, who makes you feel optimistic of the future is great! And of course, going on a date with someone who may not be "the one" is still be an opportunity to get out of the house and have a free meal at least. *shoulder shrug* So you might as well enjoy it.

3. Use your time being single to do self-analysis.

Just because you're single, doesn't mean that you are necessarily looking. It's a good idea from time to time to take a step back and look at your life and reevaluate what you are looking for in life, in your career, or in a mate. Existentialism is important so that we all can grow as humans and achieve our highest potential in life. Even though I have always had a mental list of all of the qualities that I am seeking in a mate, I have learned that it is a good idea to use my time being single to "re-learn" myself in order to identify what it is that I actually want. I am not the same person that I was in high school, in college, or in my mid-twenties. I have grown and have gotten wiser. While being unattached, I have found that I have more mental clarity and available time in order to make new goals for myself and make new plans for my future. In other words, use your "downtime" wisely, rather than focus all of your free time and attention on finding someone.

4. Take care of yourself.

The term "letting yourself go" is a four-letter-word. It's easy for us to sit back and not take care of ourselves while being single. When you don't have someone to "impress" or "keep yourself up for", it can be easy to come home every day and veg out. Trust me, I understand completely. However, we shouldn't do that. We should use our "downtime" when not in a relationship to make healthy choices and be active. I can tell you first hand that when I've been in a serious long-term relationship, I have gained weight. The time that I had been using to go to the gym, was now being spent going on dates, eating, and then lounging around. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that people need to be thin. I'm simply saying that we all need to be our best selves whether that be a size 2 or a size 22. I am far from skinny and I love having curves, but I need to get back in shape. And this is not so that I can attract a man (although it can't hurt). It's because I feel better about myself when I am in better shape. It helps my self-esteem and self-confidence, not to mention it will help my health in the long run. And taking care of yourself also means mentally, as well as physically. It has been proven that men are most attracted to a woman's confidence. If we don't love ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to love us?

5. Enjoy your life!!!

I recently had a deep conversation with my parents about my being unmarried and how bad it makes me feel that my parents are not grandparents yet, while all of their friends and contemporaries are, in some cases, grandparents and even great-grandparents. My father told me, "you make sure that you're enjoying your life even more so since you don't have children or a husband." He told me to "do it big" and said to make it my personal mission to have the most fun and have the most experiences in my life as possible because I'm single and have no children. It was honestly the BEST advice that man has ever given to me. I love to think outside of the box and try new experiences. This just gives me more motivation to do so! I'm taking his advice and am currently planning a trip overseas for the next year. 

So there you have it ladies. Forget the haters in society or in your family or at work telling you that you need to be married and that something is wrong with you if you are single. There is nothing wrong with you. You are awesome! So the next time that you're in the club and Beyonce's "Single Ladies" comes on the speakers, get out there, put your hand up, and dance! Enjoy it! And when it's time to catch the bouquet at the next wedding you attend, hold your head up high and get out there! Enjoy yourself! You never know what God has in store for you. It could be a husband, a child, a mansion, a CEO position, a music contract, an acting career, or so much more. We only have so much time on this earth, and only so much time with no aches and pains, so make the most of it! If you are in your 20s, you're very young so enjoy your life! If you're in your 30s, you're very young so enjoy your life! If you're in your 40s, you're still young so enjoy your life! If you're in 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, enjoy your life! As long as you have breath, it's not too late to change your life and enjoy it!

So St. Louis; A Delicate Matter

This past weekend I attended the 250 in 250 exhibit at the Missouri History Museum. It was the grand finale for my personal exploration of the celebration of St. Louis's 250th year in existence. Over the last year, I've been on the hunt of tracking down some of the 250 cake statues as part of the stl250 "Cakeway to the West".  The experience was fun and insightful as I ventured far and wide across the greater St. Louis metropolitan area and surrounding counties in pursuit of tracking down many of the significant hidden gems that make our city great. From the Piasa Bird cliff drawing in Alton, Illinois to the Endangered Wolf Sanctuary in Eureka, Missouri, I (and occasionally my mom and sister) went everywhere! We got 200 cakes in total, which wasn't bad considering I had originally only planned on finding 100 cakes.

One of the cakes that I was most surprised by was the cake located at the Martin Luther King Jr. statue, located in Fountain Park. I never knew that St. Louis had a statue of Martin Luther King Jr., and there it stands a few blocks northeast of the intersection at Delmar and Kingshighway. I can't tell you how many times I have driven near that area, yet never knew it existed, and I've lived in St. Louis my entire life. That truly saddened me, considering that I am a strong supporter and advocate for the work that Dr. King sacrificed his life for, not to mention that I served as the President of my college's Martin Luther King Student Union (MLKSU) and won an award in his honor at my Alma mater. This brings me back to the exhibit I attended this weekend.

The 250 in 250 exhibit did a wonderful job of showcasing 50 people, 50 places, 50 objects, 50 moments, and 50 images that tell the story of St. Louis's 250 years. I was thoroughly impressed by the selections that were represented among these categories. It must have been a truly difficult process of narrowing the "candidates" of these categories down to 50. I enjoyed learning about the many men and women who have represented our city. The stories of the Shelleys, Homer G. Phillips, and many, many others were compelling to say the least. But probably the most shocking, and interesting things that I learned during my 2-hour time at the exhibit, were among the 50 places that were selected.

Of course places like Fort Bellefontaine, the Delmar Loop, and Schnucks are places that I have a recollection of, in that they still exist today. However, what I was not prepared for was learning about the places that no longer exist in St. Louis. Places like the Philippine Reservation, that was held at the 1904 World's Fair which showcased a living display of  Filipino people in their "natural habitat" as a way to promote colonization, or the Social Evil Hospital, which served as a medical facility for the city's legalized prostitutes during the end of the 19th century. What was even more disturbing to me were Lynch's Slave Pen, Mill Creek Valley, People's Finance Building, and the infamous Pruitt-Igoe Housing Project.

Lynch's Slave Pen was a facility located in downtown St. Louis where slaves were sold. Yes, we all know that Missouri was a slave state, so the idea that there was a facility where slaves were sold is not surprising. However, the fact that the facility was not demolished until 1963 is what disturbs me the most! Slavery was abolished in 1863 so why did it take literally 100 years for this evil building to be torn down?! Something is not right about this.

I had also never heard of Mill Creek Valley, which was 450 acres of land west of downtown (approximately where Harris Stowe and SLU stand now) where about 20,000 residents lived (95% of whom were black people), and 800 business were located in 1959, when the City of St. Louis declared it a slum and ordered it to be completely wiped out. One of the businesses located there was the Peoples Finance Building (shown below), a 5-story office building which housed the local NAACP chapter offices, and other offices operated by African-American private practice doctors, attorneys, politicians, and retail stores. This along with all of the rest of Mill Creek Valley were demolished and bulldozed in 1959. The area was completely cleared out in the name of "urban renewal". It seems more to me like this was due to racism as much as making downtown St. Louis more commercially friendly and accessible. Below is a picture of Mill Creek Valley during its demolition, and a link to old footage describing its destruction.

 Peoples Finance Building courtesy of Western Historical Manuscripts Collection


Mill Creek Valley during its demolition courtesy of www.nextstl.com

Video of Mill Creek Valley Urban Renewal Project

It is incredibly disheartening to think about all of those people who had to pack up and move elsewhere, many of whom were probably financially struggling, with no where to go. I read on the 250 in 250 exhibit website, http://250in250.mohistory.org , that many of the buildings were operational and cosmetically secure including homes, churches, and other buildings. So why couldn't the authorities just condemn and destroy the decaying homes only? Why did the entire community need to be destroyed, forced to evacuate, and close their businesses? What would have happened if Mill Creek Valley had just been rehabilitated rather than destroyed? We will never know. But during the 1950s, as this section of town was being cleared out, another part of town close by was being created, the Pruitt-Igoe housing projects.



The Pruitt-Igoe Housing Project courtesy of www.Wikipedia.org

Pruitt-Igoe has become synonymous with failure in architecture and failure in social housing projects. The homes were considered to be the next great thing in affordable housing for low-income families. These high-rises in North St. Louis were comprised of 33 11-story buildings, that featured rents as low as $40 per month. The homes were completed in 1956, and shortly after began to decline and became a symbol for crime and poverty. White-flight and the creation of the suburbs left the housing project in disrepair and without consistent maintenance. The welfare system in place during this time, which was enforced in many of these homes, forbid men from living within the same home as their families. I'm sure that the absence of male figures in the home destroyed families and created future familial issues for these people for generations to come. The scarcity of jobs led to poverty and crime. Pruitt-Igoe became notorious for its crime, and in 1972 the first buildings of the complex were demolished with explosives, which were followed by the remaining buildings until the mid-1970s. "The Pruitt-Igoe Myth: An Urban History" is a masterfully done TV documentary from 2012, which gives the history and collapse of the housing project. The project cost 57 million dollars to build, and yet it didn't survive 20 years. I'm sure that the plan was to put these low-income people in a high-rise so that the city's other urban renewal projects had plenty of room to be built in the central and downtown areas of the city. Today, there is overrun vegetation in the area where the Pruitt-Igoe complex once stood. 

So why is all of this significant now that we are in the year 2015? I am a black 31 year-old woman. I was born in St. Louis and was raised in Ballwin, Missouri, where my family was the only black family on our street until I turned 20 years old and was away in college. At an early age, I was aware that St. Louis had a segregation issue. I could tell when I would go to school in the Parkway School District and white teachers would assume that I was bussed in from the city as part of the desegregation program. And yes, to readers who are unfamiliar with St. Louis, it is in fact still referred to as the Desegregation program to this day. St. Louis has a race and segregation issue. This goes deeper and further back than the day that 18-year-old Mike Brown was killed by a white police officer in Ferguson, Missouri. That is what has been the most unsettling thing to me since attending this exhibit; the fact that it is one thing to know that St. Louis is segregated, but it is an entirely different circumstance to know facts as to how and when it happened. Yet, people don't want to confront that our fair city, which at one time was the 4th largest city in the country and now is the 58th largest, has a race problem. The fact that to this day, middle school students reenact the Dred Scott decision as a field trip, which was the case of a slave who sued for his freedom after being taken into a free state and then was brought back to Missouri, a slave state, and lost the case, further proves this fact! St. Louis and the events that took place last summer are a microcosm of the issues that plague our entire country today. 

Many people slightly younger than me seem to believe that the 1950s and 1960s were so long ago, but that is within my parents' lifetime. Racism and the effects of racism have a trickle-down effect into future generations. Just as the effects of welfare, poverty, and systemic racism from decades ago can still be felt today. St. Louis needs jobs, which unfortunately many of the major headquarters that once flourished in St. Louis have left the city or have closed for good. With a decrease in jobs comes an increase in crime. The crime rate in the city of St. Louis has been steadily climbing and we have been considered in recent years to be one of the country's most dangerous cities. The population in St. Louis city is decreasing, although the greater St. Louis metropolitan area ranks as the 21st largest metropolitan area in the country. We can do better St. Louis, and we can be better. So how do we do this? 

Young people love to use the phrase "I'm so St. Louis", but yet how many of those people will even bother to go to the exhibit at the History Museum before it leaves in a couple of weeks? I'm not going to lie, I want to leave St. Louis. The things that I learned at this exhibit did much to solidify that desire in me. However, if we all leave this town, then who will be left to help make it better? That is the quandary I am struggling with, but I have to do what is best for me. I have an MBA that I am currently not using at my present job, where I am underemployed. My parents did much to raise me to be a good citizen of the community and to have options. But it seems like the options here are few and far between. Whatever we as a city and community make plans to do to make our city better, I hope that we can come together to do it, and soon! 

My Thoughts on "Black Jesus" on Adult Swim

So I just watched the trailer for the series "Black Jesus" coming to Adult Swim in August. Let me first start by stating some facts. I am a Christian. I am black. I am open-minded. I love Aaron McGruder. And I love The Boondocks (season 1 through 3). Now that being said, this show looks like garbage based on the trailer. I love good satire and I love when the envelope is pushed, but this really does cross the line into blasphemy in my opinion. When I first heard that this would be a show, I couldn't wait to see it. Now that I've seen the trailer, I want no parts of it. 

Jesus Christ, whether black, white, Asian, Hispanic, purple, or otherwise, would not curse. I don't care if he were in the Middle East or Compton, LA, He would not speak with such words, I highly doubt. Now yes, Jesus did walk among the sinners in order to teach and preach to them, so the location of the future return of our Lord and Savior could quite possibly reach an inner-city. However, they got me with the cursing. Not gonna happen!

I will say however, that this does bring some interesting questions to mind. Jesus is often depicted in the media, in paintings, in film, and etc. as being white. Now of course in many black homes and businesses, and churches, Jesus is depicted in these formats as being black. To each his own. This show could possibly create the dialogue of would YOU follow Jesus Christ if He was black, or not white? Now I'd like to think that many people of color in particular would say "yes, I would follow Jesus Christ if He were black." But somehow with all of the racism and prejudice that spans the globe, inside and outside of the Christian population, it does make me wonder if certain Christians would have a problem with this. Whenever it's said and done, Jerusalem is in the Middle East, so I've always thought of Jesus as having an olive/brown complexion. And after all, the Bible states that Jesus' hair was like wool. C'mon now.

This show might also raise the question, if a man in South Central, LA or anywhere for that matter were to come out and say that He was Jesus Christ, and make national news and online headlines, would YOU believe that it could be Him or think that it's just some hoax or crazy person? It makes you think about how hard it might have been for some people who were there when Jesus walked among us to believe that He was truly the son of God. Just some food for thought. 

But here's the trailer of the show, in case you haven't seen it. By all means, check it out for yourself and make your own opinions. But again, based on this trailer, I won't be watching...

Black Jesus Expanded Trailer

A Friendly PSA for a Thursday Morning

We all have our "something". No one is without something that plays with their head, disappoints them, and discourages them. We all have the thing that we're striving to accomplish or reach and just haven't gotten yet. Today I want to share that God does not want us to be unhappy. God does not want us to be underemployed, or alone. God wants us to be happy, married, be gainfully employed, as long as we remember that He is in control and is here for us, and that we should love one another and help each other along the way. As long as we do these things, we can be the happiest people to exist.

Happiness is a choice. You can be poor or sick, but still be happy. Let's choose happiness over being discouraged. Let's choose happiness over defeat and turmoil. Let's choose happiness over having doubt and fear. We have all been given talents and gifts. Let's use these gifts and talents to be successful in our own right while still glorifying God and being good, upstanding, humble, and kind citizens of the world!

Have faith. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. If things haven't always panned out how you expected, or things didn't work out the way that you wanted, you should still keep trying. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and stay positive. Be happy, be cheerful. God is doing great things on your behalf. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that He has a plan for each of us, so let's be confident and know that God is handling it! So put a smile on your face and keep your chin up. Stop worrying about "when it will be your turn", and looking at how great so-in-so is, or what so-in-so has that you don't have, or what he/she is doing that you're not doing. Go out and get yours! Go out and do something for yourself. Invest in yourself! You are your best asset. You are all that you have and all that you need. God will take you far! You can do it! Forgive yourself for what happened in the past. Leave it in the past! Stop carrying those burdens around with you. Aren't you tired of keeping all of that baggage with you all of the time? I know I sure am. My arms and shoulders are sore from carrying all of that weight and all of those "what ifs" and "shoulda, coulda, wouldas", so let's leave it behind.

Today is a new day. God gave you a new chance to start over, beginning with today. Isn't that a blessing?! So let's do it! Let's start over today! Let's be happy, like Pharell Williams! There is no expiration date for your happiness. There is no time limit for you to be a big success. There is no time limit for you to be a mother or father to someone who needs a loving mother and father. There is no deadline for you to find your soul mate, fall in love, and get married. There is no age limit to go to college and get your degree. So let's stop acting like it's too late, because it's not too late! The time is now!

30 Before 30

"In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." - Abraham Lincoln

When I was about to turn 28, a coworker told me that she had done a 30 before 30 list before turning 30. I thought it was such a great idea, especially considering that I wasn't really looking forward to turning the big 3-0. I made a list and planned to begin doing things from the list after turning 28. However, things at my job began to get turbulent and I was terminated two months to the day after I turned 28 years old. All of my plans for my 30 before 30 list were put on hold. I started a new job two months later that proved to be challenging and stressful. Also adding to my stress was that all of my income from my new employer needed to go toward building back my savings, which were depleted during my unemployment. Over time, the list was lost and forgotten.Until September 2012, six months before I was going to turn 30.

A friend suggested that we go to a shooting range. I remembered that that was one of the items on my 30 before 30 list. And so it began, again, my 30 before 30 list. I have accomplished everything from the list except one item, which I still consider a secret. (I left it blank below) It would have been finished by now but there are a few things I need to do first in order to make it happen. So here's a brief run-down.

Top of the Riverfront Restaurant: I always wanted to go to this restaurant because it rotates 360 degrees at the riverfront downtown. It is expensive but through Downtown Restaurant Week, I had a 3 course meal for $25! This was a steal! The steak and dessert were divine! My friend Devin joined me and it was great.

Ice Skating: Me, Abrea, Devin, and Nate went ice skating. It was scary but fun. I hadn't been since I was a child. I couldn't ice skate then and I can't ice skate now. There was this very small kid who was a wonderful ice skater who kept looking at me, as if to say "what is your problem? this is easy." I did not like that kid.

Paint balling: Through a bargain living social deal, Devin and I went to a zombie paintball haunted hayride.It was entertaining, however there were hardly any moving targets. I still got the experience. One day I'll actually go paint balling with friends and shoot and get shot as well.

Shooting Range: This was intense! I was scared and jumpy the entire time. Holding a gun intimidated me and didn't feel right. Over time I may feel more comfortable but it nerve-wrecking.

Helicopter Ride: My sister and I went on a 3 minute ride for $35 each. It was short and sweet. I enjoyed it.

Blues Hockey Game: My mom and I went to a Blues game., It was the first hockey game either of us had ever been to. It was a lot of fun and lively! A lot of good white-people-watching as well!

Attend a Boxing Match: My sister and I went to the charity Guns N Hoses boxing match between the fire department and the police department. This would have been way more fun at a title fight in Vegas but this was the only boxing match happening in St. Louis before my birthday, so it had to suffice.

Hot Air Balloon: Who knew that it was so much trouble to ride in a hot air balloon. I got a good groupon deal for $165 (half-off) the price of a hot air balloon ride. After 5 attempts and cancellations due to weather, I finally got to take a ride. It was great however I got dizzy toward the end of the ride and had to sit down in the basket. Still fun though and the champagne toast at the end was great! I went alone.

Drive-In Movie: I had never been to a drive-in movie before and conveniently I went to my first two times to the drive-in two weeks in a row with two different guys on dates. I can't make this stuff up. Each of them wanted to help me get things done on my list. I enjoyed going to the drive-in, however it is easy to be distracted. There's constantly people driving or walking around you. Not to mention the fact that with both guys, I was drinking wine and talking. It was hard to pay attention to the movie. And, no, there was no "necking" or physical activity going on either time. I'm a lady for crying out loud!

Start a Blog: Accomplished obviously.

Go to the Symphony: Although I am a former violinist and had concerts of my own every year in school, I had never been to the actual symphony before. My mother, sister, and I went and saw the "Rite of Spring" in the fall of 2011. It was great.

Get violin tuned: My violin had been out of tune for years! I finally went to the music store and got it tuned after years and years of procrastination.

Take a Vacation: Cruise to the Bahamas for my 30th birthday. This was awesome! My friend Jackie B and I kicked it! I kissed and played with a dolphin, and kayaked. 

Mechanical Bull Ride: I had found out about a country western club that had a mechanical bull in St. Charles. Devin and I went and were surprised by the diversity of the crowd and music there. However, we were disappointed by the club never turning on the mechanical bull. We left. However, in October 2013 at Oktoberfest in Soulard, we stumbled on a mechanical bull in service. I rode it, laughed, was laughed at, and crossed it off the list. Finally.

Charity Walk: This was done twice by the time I turned 30. Susan G. Komen 2012 and Sista Strut 2012.

Donate to President Obama's Campaign: I donated $5. Hey, every bit helps!

Carriage Ride: Mom and I did this together. A 15 minute ride but still fun on a chilly late winter day.

Lose at least 20 Pounds: This happened, but then I gained it all back. Smh So sad...

Read the Bible: I started. And that's about it. I haven't left Genesis yet, but I did start.

Sing at Karaoke: Devin, Nate, Abrea, and I went to Carson's. I did Anita Baker's "Caught up in the rapture." Eh, it was OK. I followed up with a duet with Abrea of our favorite song, "We don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time." I don't know how we even found it in the binder.

Pole Dancing Lesson: Abrea, Yolanda, and I went on a Sunday afternoon and had a blast. However, I couldn't do the last trick which was embarassing. My feet didn't want to leave the floor. Better luck next time.

Read a poem I wrote in Public: In honor of my Grandmother, we were all asked to speak on her behalf as we celebrated her life and birthday. I went all out with a lengthy 4-page prose. Hopefully I didn't bore my family to death.

Learn Something New: I learned how to snorkel and kayak in the Bahamas on my trip.

Try a different type of food: I ate fried alligator at Mayfest 2012. Not bad.

Go to a unique museum: I went to the Griot in St. Louis. It wasn't bad. I learned about a variety of African American figures in St. Louis history that I wasn't aware of which was nice.

Learn how to ski: This was the thing I most feared. I went and was embarrassed. I fell a lot and couldn't wait for it to be over but i did it. I was shocked that I wasn't the only chip in the cookie either. I actually made "us" look bad... I was the only black person there that didn't know how to ski. Still glad I did it though.

Volunteer Somewhere: I volunteered at the Habitat for Humanity Re-store. It wasn't too bad. They didn't know what to do with me because I wasn't a guy and couldn't lift a lot of heavy items. But they gave me paperwork and odd jobs. I met a guy who worked there who I dated briefly so I guess that was God's reward to me for volunteering. ugh.

Donate Blood: I hadn't donated blood since college and I went and it felt good to do my civic duty. I hope by B+ blood helped someone.

Pay it forward: For me, this took a lot of guts. At a McDonald's drive-thru one morning, I offered to buy the person's bill who was behind me. Unfortunately for me, the person behind me basically ordered her breakfast and lunch. I spent $12 on the lady's mirror behind me but after looking in my rear view menu, I could tell she was shocked and appreciated it. Hopefully she did the same for someone else.

I'm pleased with what I've accomplished on my list. I've had some great experiences and it's made me appreciate the blessings that God has given me. I'm happy for the friends and family that I have that experienced this journey with me. And I look forward to many more adventures in the future.

~*30 Before 30/31*~

1.   Top of the Riverfront Restaurant (August 2012)

2.   Ice Skating (November 2012)

3.   Paintballing (October 2012)

4.   Shooting Range (September 2012)

5.   

6.   Helicopter Ride (March 23, 2013)

7.   Blues Hockey Game (February 5, 2013)

8.   Attend Boxing Match (November 2012)

9.   Hot Air Balloon Ride (September 14, 2013)

10. Drive-In Movie Theater (May 11 2013: Iron Man 3 Skyview Drive-In/May 18, 2013: Star Trek: Into Darkness)

11. Start a Blog (February 2012)

12. Go to the Symphony (October 2011)

13. Get violin tuned (January 12, 2013)

14. Take a Trip/Vacation: Cruise to the Bahamas, Nassau and Freeport (March 7-11, 2013)

15. Mechanical Bull-riding/Go to a Country Western Club: Electric Cowboy (May 25, 2013) Mechanical Bull Ride (October 13, 2013)

16. Do a Charity Walk (June 2012)

17. Donate to Pres. Obama’s campaign (September 2012)

18. Carriage Ride (January 19, 2013)

19. Lose at Least 20 pounds

20. Read the Bible

21. Sing at Karaoke (February 15, 2013)

22. Take Pole Dancing/Strip Aerobics Class: Michelle Mynx Acadamy of Pole Dancing (February 17, 2013)

23. Read a poem in public (December 29, 2012)

24. Learn something new: Kayaking and Snorkeling in Freeport, the Bahamas (March 10, 2013)

25. Try a different type of food (May 2012)

26. Go to a unique museum I’ve never been to before: Griot Museum (January 26, 2013)

27. Learn how to ski (February 16, 2013)

28. Volunteer somewhere: Habitat for Humanity ReStore (January 26, 2013)

29. Donate blood (January 24, 2013)

30. Pay it forward: McDonalds (February 28, 2013)

Bold Prints, Classic Designs, Low Prices: Duro Olowu for JCP

After I got off work last night, I decided to treat myself for making it through another long week of work by enjoying a night of my most favorite hobby, SHOPPING. I went to JC Penney, a store that has unfortunately been struggling the last several years to make a comeback despite fresh updated styles, clean store layouts, and revamped advertisements. I spent a good hour buying a birthday gift for my father and picking out a few items for myself as well. As I struggled to find a checkout counter (JCP you're going to have to do better about that), I was completely ENAMORED by the bright, bold prints emanating from a section that I had never seen before. These prints belonged to an exclusive collection provided through a collaboration between JCP and Nigerian designer, Duro Olowu. The section was a small floor space, positioned right in the middle of the handbag department. I was immediately pulled into the section by what seemed like the same gravitational force which keeps us from floating into outer space! The bold, colorful prints are all distributed by a variety of classic American-styled separates that can all be mixed and matched. From knee-length a-line skirts, mixed print blouses, pants, dresses, and jackets, the collection is impeccable!  Sadly, I am upset at the fact that I had no idea that this collection was even at JCP, and here it was slapping me in the face with clearance stickers all over it. The conservative style that is often had by people of the Midwest, I'm sure has a lot to do with the limited exposure of the collection in this market. However, there are many fashionistas like myself in the region who crave stylish, couture, bold looks. I give kudos for JCP buyers for taking a chance on the Midwest by offering such looks in its stores. There are so many retail stores who offer exclusive designer collections to set themselves apart from competitors and give exposure to the designers, who the general public may never otherwise know about. Which brings me to Duro Olowu, the designer of this collection. 

Duro Olowu is a London-based designer who is known for mixing bold African-like prints with conservative Western prints and blending them together into classic Western styles. His ready-to-wear separates have been seen on numerous celebrities as well as our always fashionable First Lady, Michelle Obama. Mr. Olowu did not spare his talents and styling techniques when designing his collection for JCP. Floral prints, batik prints, plaids, and brocades were splashed and intermingled throughout the entire collection. I have to say that I wanted EVERY piece in the collection! If they had had my size in more items I would have bought a brand new wardrobe last night. I wish that they had my size in more of the pieces but maybe it's for the best that they didn't. I would have hated to go broke buying a whole new wardrobe on payday. smh. The collection also exhibits the prints in mix-and-match pieces for the home as well. I really liked that aspect. I love to present my personal style through my clothing, but I also love to express myself through my decor in my home as well. The collection also features shoes and accessories including jewelry and handbags. I was trying to be good so I only bought a blouse, a skirt, and a bangle. Hopefully they don't sell out of a couple of the Native American-inspired beaded handbags before I go back to buy one. 

Again I must give props to JCP for exposing the sometimes sheltered and conservative "wack-arnolds" of the Midwest to up-and-coming designers like Duro Olowu. Hopefully this won't be the last "collabo" that we see between JCP and Mr. Olowu. And even if the delayed reaction of the St. Louis region to this collection means that we'll never see a collection like this again at JC Penney, I'm glad that it at least exposed me to the designs of Duro Olowu. Mr. Olowu, you have me as a fan for life. Especially when your designer collections look so amazing! See below if you don't believe me.

Giving Someone a Chance Who is Off the "List"

So I know that all of us ladies have "the list". You know, the list that you've always held to while dating. The list that shows what you want in a mate and what you don't want in a mate. Well, my list has a lot of your typical things I'd say: no smoking, college graduate, smart, kind, funny, handsome, tall, not over 40 years-old, and a few more items. On the "never date" section of my list is also pretty common: don't date guys with kids, divorce`s, men who have been to jail, and men that have gold teeth. These are my normal deal-breakers. I admit, it's hard to find someone perfect, and actually impossible because no one, even myself, is perfect. Yet we still cling to that list with a tight grip, doing our  best to find someone who meets the standard of the list. Well, I'm here to tell you, I have dated my "ideal" mate based on my list. I've actually dated my "Mr. Perfect-on-Paper" in the form of three different men, and I'm here to tell you not one of them was for me! There was something wrong with all of them. As "perfect" as they seemed, and as many checks as they had on my list, none of them was for me. Unfortunately, all of these men possessed certain qualities that were not on the list, which were very important factors that can't be ignored. The traits these men had that I did not want included personality flaws, social ineptness, selfish behavior, flakiness, and just plain jerks. As many great characteristics as these guys had that attracted me to them, being made to feel like garbage was definitely not on the list and was definitely not perfect. None of these relationships worked out, and at the beginning of all them, I remember being so excited because I thought I had finally found "the one." But that joyous feeling quickly disappeared.

So here, I am finally knowing that no one is perfect because I've met my "perfect-on-paper" and none of them were perfect. So where does that leave me now? I had a conversation with two of my cousins a few years ago, which I still remember vividly. The subject of my love life came up in the conversation, as it often does with my family, and at the time I had just had another failed attempt at love. I told them that God always gives me what I ask for and yet it never works out. I went into detail recapping the trials of my adventures in romance, recounting how when one guy I'd date didn't work out because he was missing one thing, I'd think that the next guy would have to have all of the great things about the last man plus the the missing thing. As hard as it is to believe, almost immediately after I'd put this request into the atmosphere, God would send me the man I asked for, but with a new "flaw" that I wasn't expecting. The cycle repeated itself often, over the course of a 2-year period. My cousins listened to my story and blew my mind with what they said. One of them told me, "obviously, God is showing you that who you think you want may not be who is actually good for you or who you need to be with." That simple sentence has haunted me ever since. When I heard my cousin say this, it frustrated me. I thought, how could this be possible, that doesn't make any sense. But she definitely had a point.

Well this brings me to today. I recently met a man while doing some volunteer work for the "30 before 30" list that I'm doing. The man seemed nice and was reasonably attractive. He worked for the organization that I was volunteering with and I was around him for most of the morning that I was there that Saturday morning. Although he didn't look it, he was over forty and a bigger guy than I normally talk to. When I was about to leave from my volunteer shift, he asked me for my phone number to which I obliged. We communicated for a couple days and then we went out on a date a few days after meeting, movie and dinner afterwards. The date was good, until we got to the second part of the date, the dinner. While at dinner, I realized that the man had two gold teeth that I hadn't noticed before. It shocked me! I bluntly told him that had I seen those when we met I would not have given him my number, which is very true. He then started telling me about his past, which wasn't the "prettiest" resume... Let's just say that he met a lot of the qualities that are on my "never date" list. I even lost my appetite while he was talking to me, I felt so disappointed. However, there was still something about him that seemed genuine, and intriguing. There was something that I couldn't put my finger on about him. As hard as it is to not judge someone, I tried my hardest not to judge this man. He even pleaded me not to judge him based on his past until I got to know him. I agreed. We're still talking and we'll see where this goes. It's still very new but so far things are going well. And even if things don't work out with this gentleman, I know that God will have a lesson for me from the experience anyway.

All I keep thinking about is the message that my cousin gave me in that conversation so long ago. I keep wondering if this is what she was talking about, if this man is who God wants me to be with right now. He's far from the typical guy that I would normally date, and yet there are things about him that hopefully will be better than the imperfectly "perfect" men that I dated before. It's still insane to me the fact that I was a few feet away from this man that Saturday morning I was volunteering and never even noticed his golds! God clearly didn't want me to see them because He knew I wouldn't give him a chance if I had. So we'll see where this new chapter goes. I'm setting no expectations and just enjoying the moment as it happens. But let this be a lesson to anyone who's still trying to "white-knuckle" grip their Mr./Ms. Perfect list, don't do it! Someone fantastic for you might be out there who you're not even giving a chance.