Throughout my lifetime, I have had various circumstances in which various individuals have aggravated, annoyed, and occasionally have even done things that have tarnished my relationship with them. I've always been pretty good about forgiving these individuals, giving them several chances to get it right. However, that being said I never, EVER forget. I would not say that I hold grudges really. I just don't forget what has happened in the past and understand that history often repeats itself. Similarly, I also understand that people typically don't change, and that you can't change someone. I remember at a very young age, I remember watching a movie or a talk show like Ricki Lake, Sally Jesse Raphael or something to that affect, and hearing someone on the show/movie being told that you can't change someone. From that early age, it has always stuck with me that you can't change people. Throughout my own trials and triumphs, I have learned that people typically don't change much. People can try to change and make effort to change, but typically we as people don't change much. Ideally people mature and grow, but we all have the same basic mindset, habits, faults, and characteristics. As my father has told me, all we really can do is accept people for who they are and expect people to be "themselves". All of this leads me to this: knowing that people don't really change much and that history repeats itself with certain people, at what point do you forgive someone for their transgressions, ways, shortcomings, and at what point do you walk away and count your losses?
Now, of course there are circumstances when you need to walk away from someone. Case in point if someone is being mentally, verbally, and physically abused, then yes, they need to move on. But what if it's not those things? What if you've reluctantly given someone chance after chance to do better, and every time has been like a broken record, skipping back to the same problem/issue time and time again? And this person keeps coming back, sincerely apologizing, saying that things will be different, while you know it will inevitably result in the same situation as before. Do you forgive this person, or do you finally say enough is enough? The adage comes to mind, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." And in some cases, "fool me three times, I'm a fool!" I am not a fool, but per that theory, sadly I could be classified as a fool I guess (how dreadful!).
I am working on being a better Christian. One of the ways I’m
trying to do this is I’m trying to practice forgiveness. God forgives us
innumerable amounts of times. We get
innumerable chances to get it right and we still mess up, and yet He still
forgives and accepts us in spite of. It’s
not fair for me to receive so much forgiveness and so many “second” chances
from God, and yet I’m unwilling to forgive others. I’m working on this, but I don’t know when
enough is enough, and at what point do you move on and count your losses? Color me confused!
I'm sure it comes down to the individual, the circumstance, the issue, and how many times this has happened. Also, being shown this person's track record kind of gives you a leg up on knowing what to expect in the future, this way you can be prepared emotionally if/when the issue occurs again. Forgiveness is a powerful and sometimes a hard thing to do, but holding grudges is not the key to happiness and emotional freedom. In the end, it's good to forgive others for our own peace of mind. And everyone deserves a second chance... right?
