Dear Grandpa Warren,
I'm sorry that our relationship was what it was, and that I didn't have a better relationship with you while you were still living. The fact that you didn't know my name although I'd visit you every Christmas still seems strange to me, but it was what it was. I was genuinely saddened to hear of your passing. I surprised myself with how much I cried when I found out the sad news, and then again at your funeral. Even though we were not close at all, I still felt like we had some sort of connection. You were my birthday buddy. We share the same birthday. I remember finding it to be so odd and unique to share the same birthday as someone else so closely related to me, while still being so very distant from me. It was baffling to me. I remember one year on our birthday when I was young, you called my dad while I was sitting at the dining room table eating breakfast. Apparently you called to make a joke or reference to it being your birthday. My dad cursed you out because it was my birthday also, and I think he felt frustrated with the fact that you had no interest or idea of this. It was quite awkward. My dad openly told me when I was older that he slightly resented me because of the birthday that you and I share. He told me that I was like you and, of course he was saying that as a negative thing. I was somewhat cursed from the beginning of my life in the eyes of my father because of this. He loves me and I think at times, he even likes me, but there is still definitely a stigma there because of our birthday. Aside from that, my dad would never necessarily bad-mouth you per say, but it was undeniable that he had "daddy issues." I can't deny that it was always somewhat awkward for me to visit you every year. My dad understood this and asked us this recent Christmas (2012) if we wanted to visit you in the nursing home or not. To his surprise, and slight inconvenience, I said that I wanted to see you. He planned on seeing you by himself while leaving, me, my mom, and my sister at my grandmother's house. He asked me why I wanted to see you and I simply replied that it may be your last Christmas. That was all that had to be said. I wish that I had been wrong...
As I stood there in your room at the nursing home, I looked at you. You didn't seem your usual self. You could barely move and were lying in the bed. Your face was very thin and your arms lacked muscle tone and had a lot of loose skin. Your cough sounded terrible and your speech was very slurred. I didn't like seeing you like that. As I stood there, I realized that rather than think of you as someone estranged and negative, I decided while standing there that I wanted to change my outlook on you and our relationship. I thought to myself that you can't be that bad because we have the same birthday, and I don't think of myself as a bad person, so therefore you can't be that bad either. I also decided that I would choose to think of you as my grandmother must have thought of you a long time ago when you two were in love before things became sour between you both. I said to myself that at one time, she chose you to be her husband and father of her children, so you couldn't have been that bad. That's how I decided to view you. I had no idea that three days later you would take your last breath.
I pray that you found peace with your life in your final days on earth. I also pray that God finds mercy on your soul and that you made it to heaven. After your funeral, my dad finally told me some stories about you that I had never heard before. He told me that you were a "company man" who was a hard worker for the railroad and was very loyal to your company. The story that he told me about you proved that you were a man of integrity and a man of your word. To most people hearing that their grandfather had been in jail at one point in life, is upsetting news. However, once my dad told me this and told me the story behind the cause of your imprisonment, it actually made me like and respect you more. You did what you felt you had to do to protect you and your wife at the time and I can't be mad at that. It made me proud of you to know that like myself, you were a hard worker and a dedicated employee. It also made me proud to know that like myself, you were an honest man who treated your word with value. It made me like you when I learned that you gave warnings, like I do, when someone is antagonizing you before flying off the handle. It made me feel closer to you to hear these stories. It made me feel sad to know that now that I know these things about you, it's too late for me respond to you differently during our annual visits. Being told by my father that you and I were similar and both selfish people was always used as an insult towards me, but now, I kind of feel like I know the good ways that we were similar and I don't feel so insulted anymore. I know that you made mistakes, as all people do, and I can't judge you for that. Through subtle ways, I was told that you treated my grandmother poorly which of course is hard for me to dismiss because Grandma Ruth was one of my most favorite people in life, but now I know that you weren't all bad. And that me and my birthday buddy did share some good qualities too. We're not all that bad, huh Grandpa Warren. Thank you for the college graduation gift, by the way. That created quite a stir in the family at the time... I don't know what you thought of me. We both really didn't know each other well enough to really have opinions of one another. But just so you know, I appreciate you for what you were, which was the father of my father, and I do respect you. Rest in peace Grandpa Warren. Maybe I'll see you again one day, and we'll make our relationship right at that time.
Warren Foster March 10, 1924 - December 28, 2012.
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